Father 'fät͟h-r
verb : to be the founder, producer, or author of : to accept responsibility for
“Fathers should make you feel safe.”
― Karen Cushman
My dad’s Father’s Day traditions include an annual antique motorcycle show on the Mississippi River’s Nicollet Island in Minneapolis. When I called to wish him a Happy Father’s Day this morning, that’s where he was. A fitting and treasured tradition.
I grew up on my dad’s motorcycles—first in front of him and then riding behind. When I transitioned to the back and was no longer surrounded by his arms, I would tense up on turns trying to force the bike to remain upright. My dad encouraged me to relax and allow myself to lean with the turn. I recall physically and mentally feeling that difference; like a deep sigh, it felt much safer when I relaxed and allowed.
A couple years back, I had this image framed for my dad for Christmas and shared the significance his words had on me. Especially during challenging times when I find myself trying to control more than is mine.
What I learned in that sharing broadened my perspective on both my dad and my childhood—a gift to us both: The motorcycle in this picture was the first ‘nice’ one he owned, a rite of passage and dream come true for a 19-year-old young man who loved motorcycles (and still does more than a half century later). Ownership of this nice bike, however, was short-lived. After only a few months, he sold it, using the proceeds as downpayment on our first, tiny, very fixer-upper house.
Expectations of fatherhood have evolved during my lifetime, for the better I think, expanding from financial provider and protector to full parental partner. Of course, many fathers of the past provided more than economic support, including mine, yet I yearned for more than was the norm in the '70s and ‘80s.
It is easy to focus on what my childhood lacked, what my teenage parents weren’t able to provide. But that’s only part of the story: For my young parents, the story includes interrupted childhoods, significant sacrifice, deferred or abandoned dreams, and tremendous effort, usually working more than one job to make ends meet.
On this Father’s Day, I salute my dad and so many others for providing more for their children than they had for themselves. Your sacrifices and your efforts are the foundation for my hopes and dreams. Thank you.
Opportunities to support fathers:
All Pro Dad provides tools and resources to dads that allow them to be more present in the lives of their children. Spearheaded by former NFL coach Tony Dungy, NFL player Benjamin Watson, ESPN personality Dan Orlovsky, other sports figures, All Pro Dad hosts an annual interactive get-together for kids and dads at an NFL or NCAA stadium and a monthly school program where dads meet up with their children at school to spend time bonding and relationship building.
Family Equality Council works to ensure that members of the LGBTQ community have the ability to create families and provides support, education, activism and advocacy, and resources to foster loving, healthy family relationships.
Fathers’ Uplift provides fathers with tools to overcome trauma, addiction, racial barriers, and emotional issues to help them fully engage with their children and families. Fathers’ Uplift provides therapy, coaching, training opportunities, and youth enrichment with the aim of reducing the number of children raised without positive father figures in their lives.
The National Fatherhood Initiative is the country’s largest provider of research on the involvement of fathers and the impact fathers have on families. It provides resources and training to increase father engagement with the goal of ensuring communities and human service organizations have the tools and training they need to be father-inclusive so fathers can be more involved in the lives of their children.